CODA Children Of Deaf Adults: One Woman – Three Cultures

Love Mommy-Liysa Callsen

By: Liysa Callsen

My name is Liysa Callsen. I am one woman with three cultures, and I live them daily. I bounce among the worlds of the hearing, the deaf and CODA. For those not familiar, CODA means children of deaf adults, and specifically refers to hearing children of deaf parents. For me, CODA has a deeper meaning. It helped to define me…the true ME at my core.

People have been telling me for years how fascinated they are with my life story. After 38 years, I finally embraced it. Growing up with deaf parents before the Americans with Disabilities Act was passed presented many challenges. My parents had limited resources regarding equal access to communication, and I became the ears and voices of my non-hearing parents. I made simple phone calls for appointments by age six. I translated life insurance terms such as whole term and beneficiaries by the age of ten. As I got older, my chores were more complex, especially dealing with doctors’ appointments. I was only 12 when my mom got really sick, and I am the one that had to tell her—using sign language—that she needed to have brain surgery.

My childhood was filled with the bridging the gap between the hearing and the deaf worlds. My heart was in a constant tug-of-war battle. One side constantly pulled toward worry. Am I properly signing what the hearing people are saying to my parents? Did I get it right? The other side pulled to advocate. Did others recognize that despite their deafness my parents are smart, able and capable? This was a heavy burden for me to carry as a child, something I didn’t realize until later in my adult life.

In 2008, I was truly lost. I had lived a life of trying to please others, and I knew I wanted to try to live true to me. My tug-of-war battles trickled into my own goals and expectations, causing me to constantly second guess myself. I finally realized no one should feel they have to live up to someone else’s expectations.

Reflection helped me understand that I never had the opportunity to learn that I had my own culture. I had failed to find ME. Once I tied the tug-of-war ropes together, I went from bridging the gap between the deaf and hearing worlds to actually living within it. The core of what melded the two cultures together was my third culture, CODA. I started to embrace these three cultures together and realized I had suppressed the one dream I had in high school: to be a performer.

I began to shift my mind more positively, entering into my new chapter of life that I call “Positive Positioning.” Immediately things started to become clear. After several months of conditioning, just like an athlete, I saw a noticeable difference.

I realized that just thinking more positively was not enough. It had to become a lifestyle, a belief within me that was deeper than a “can do” attitude.

With my new passion driving me, I took the steps to fulfill my high school dream of being a performer and created a one-woman show called Codadiva. Now I’m doing more than I ever thought was possible. I’ve embraced my three cultures and have the opportunity to educate others about these worlds. The goal of my Codadiva performances is to inspire, educate and touch people through a unique show experience.

The response to Codadiva has been tremendous. Even people with no deafness in their families share with me that they are touched and can relate because they too had held on to a struggle. Once embraced, struggles can be turned into positive energy that fuels the soul. The best accolade from this journey was from another CODA. She took a leap of faith to see my show. After the show, she thanked me and shared that she didn’t think there was anyone else that had the same experiences that she did growing up. As she talked to me, my eyes filled with tears as I realized I really can positively impact people’s lives.

“Positive Positioning” is my novel that is yet to be written as my life unfolds. With pure positive thinking, I have made a dream a reality. I’m still learning, but I am consistently amazed that it gets easier to handle uncontrollable situations.

What is your tug-of-war? What is your suppressed dream? Shift your mind positively, reflect, journal and take time to unravel those tug-of-war ropes connected to your heart. Once you find it—whatever it is that rocks your core—make it your passion.

You too may be the voice of someone who needs it.

Liysa Callsen’s Codadiva show is for hearing and deaf audiences. Performed in ASL and voice interpreted, it’s subtitles for your ears. To learn more about the show and Liysa Callsen, visit www.codadiva.com.

Tags: children of deaf adults, CODA, education, Liysa Callsen, motherhood, Pay It Forward, positive attitude, positive impact, positive parenting, Wellness

Category: Current Articles, Mind, Body & Spirit